A study in relationships
I hate prejudice. I detest those with a closed mind.
Today, I had a talk with the warden of my hostel. He had to bow down to the Institute diktat of a blanket ban on young females from entering the rooms.
I am not a guy who girls would be romantically attracted to. There is almost zero probability of any girl coming to my room for any purpose during my stay here. Still, I am pained .Why? Because, I hate paranoia. This seems to be an easy way out. Isolate them .Create ghettos. Finally, when they are convinced that they are from different planets (which is good for the publishing industry) and are xenophobic enough of each other, start raising a cry that someone is chauvinist /insensitive.
One of the ultimate ironies of the traditional gender roles slapped on us is that; although they strive to keep chastity on every innocent mind, they accomplish quite the opposite. The segregation of the sexes is so complete in some communities that every female-male friendship is assumed to be sexual; every interaction is viewed through the colored glass of sexuality and due to the fear for reputation/society, rarely do we see men and women become friends. Can a man and a woman just be friends? Forget friends, is it possible that a man says he likes hanging out with some woman, who is not present/future relative ,because she is interesting(not her cleavage)/funny /good listener? I'd say yes. Human beings are gregarious animals. In spite of what all the self styled experts say, we are not like lions/tigers/any other of the polygamous/polyandrous animals. We are the great species of animal not because our forefathers were promiscuous but because they could build relationships and create the huge communities (without bringing sexual desires /intentions into picture) which make what we call Civilization. It’s a distortion of values that these relationships have been made difficult; that the platonic part of our lives is defined by the sexual. If chastity were the objective, repression is clearly not the answer. Not just Indian but even the western/developed /whatever people think the same. (Ex When Harry met sally: A horrible boring movie remembered by that one pathetic line alone.)
Dozens of books and articles are published each year on the history of homosexuality, but virtually none on the history of friendship.There are hundreds of dating only sites but no friendship only site
It is not just the scorning geriatric relatives or neighbours who do it. Any woman who has said this or similar statement to kid brother/son/nephew/student/grandson sometime in their life:
“ARE you not ashamed to fight with a girl?”---may rest assured that they have done their bit for the promotion of male chauvinism. They have prevented the endangered species of M.C.Pigs from becoming extinct. One more human has been socially handicapped.
All of this is, I believe, in no small measure is aided by the dual legacy of the Freudian revolution and the Victorian era. Freud’s part in sexualizing everything is obvious enough, but it may not be as clear that the Victorian era is also to blame. For a variety of reasons, the Victorians put forward certain rigid standards for behavior that had not previously existed. We have been indoctrinated on appropriate behaviour so much that even males who touch each other , who express strong feelings for each other, and who demonstrate that through dramatic behavior are assumed to be sexually attracted to each other. The seniors of the society in the Crown jewel lapped it up perfectly (and why not ? It gave them a chance to brag about culture ,traditions etc.and hold on to their entrenched positions) .Those who do not believe me just look around in your towns /cities .The most "conservative"( not religious) families are those who managed to keep their power through the british occupation .They are the people who are snobs ,who look down upon you when u r hugging/ playing /squabbling with ur cousin who is of the opposite gender .This just goes to show how well the Victorians and their slaves did their work.If any of history's bachelors were alive today, they would all be judged Homosexual.Everybody is assummed horny unless otherwise proved (which of course is very difficult ) allowing them to rule like shamans of yore.
On the other side of the divide, if we can only lift the Victorians’ blinders for a moment we see a very different world: a world where friendship is considered the occasion for deep emotions and exaggerated behavior. This other view is much older than the one the "Ancestors" bequeathed upon us . It is a world where friendship is not a footnote in a book about romance, rather it is a living force of its own, considered one of the highest forms of human emotion and behavior, and worthy of profound sentiments. There we can all read the description of Socrates and Diotima and say, "Oh, what a beautiful portrait of friendship" (/"Machchaa ,high funda friendship da" if u r from my college).
The purported attempts to keep sexuality from becoming a big deal have backfired. On the contrary, sexuality has become a very big deal. It creates a self feeding cycle. Only people desperate for a romantic partner get to have any acquaintance in the opposite gender giving more ammo to the paranoid to say “See, I told you so.” Personally, I believe that if someone can’t have a working relationship, with those of the other gender, without the idea of sleeping together coming to picture ,if that person can work only with members of same gender as self, there is something biologically wrong with that person. Dude/(feminine of dude), are you really human ?
Today, I had a talk with the warden of my hostel. He had to bow down to the Institute diktat of a blanket ban on young females from entering the rooms.
I am not a guy who girls would be romantically attracted to. There is almost zero probability of any girl coming to my room for any purpose during my stay here. Still, I am pained .Why? Because, I hate paranoia. This seems to be an easy way out. Isolate them .Create ghettos. Finally, when they are convinced that they are from different planets (which is good for the publishing industry) and are xenophobic enough of each other, start raising a cry that someone is chauvinist /insensitive.
One of the ultimate ironies of the traditional gender roles slapped on us is that; although they strive to keep chastity on every innocent mind, they accomplish quite the opposite. The segregation of the sexes is so complete in some communities that every female-male friendship is assumed to be sexual; every interaction is viewed through the colored glass of sexuality and due to the fear for reputation/society, rarely do we see men and women become friends. Can a man and a woman just be friends? Forget friends, is it possible that a man says he likes hanging out with some woman, who is not present/future relative ,because she is interesting(not her cleavage)/funny /good listener? I'd say yes. Human beings are gregarious animals. In spite of what all the self styled experts say, we are not like lions/tigers/any other of the polygamous/polyandrous animals. We are the great species of animal not because our forefathers were promiscuous but because they could build relationships and create the huge communities (without bringing sexual desires /intentions into picture) which make what we call Civilization. It’s a distortion of values that these relationships have been made difficult; that the platonic part of our lives is defined by the sexual. If chastity were the objective, repression is clearly not the answer. Not just Indian but even the western/developed /whatever people think the same. (Ex When Harry met sally: A horrible boring movie remembered by that one pathetic line alone.)
Dozens of books and articles are published each year on the history of homosexuality, but virtually none on the history of friendship.There are hundreds of dating only sites but no friendship only site
It is not just the scorning geriatric relatives or neighbours who do it. Any woman who has said this or similar statement to kid brother/son/nephew/student/grandson sometime in their life:
“ARE you not ashamed to fight with a girl?”---may rest assured that they have done their bit for the promotion of male chauvinism. They have prevented the endangered species of M.C.Pigs from becoming extinct. One more human has been socially handicapped.
All of this is, I believe, in no small measure is aided by the dual legacy of the Freudian revolution and the Victorian era. Freud’s part in sexualizing everything is obvious enough, but it may not be as clear that the Victorian era is also to blame. For a variety of reasons, the Victorians put forward certain rigid standards for behavior that had not previously existed. We have been indoctrinated on appropriate behaviour so much that even males who touch each other , who express strong feelings for each other, and who demonstrate that through dramatic behavior are assumed to be sexually attracted to each other. The seniors of the society in the Crown jewel lapped it up perfectly (and why not ? It gave them a chance to brag about culture ,traditions etc.and hold on to their entrenched positions) .Those who do not believe me just look around in your towns /cities .The most "conservative"( not religious) families are those who managed to keep their power through the british occupation .They are the people who are snobs ,who look down upon you when u r hugging/ playing /squabbling with ur cousin who is of the opposite gender .This just goes to show how well the Victorians and their slaves did their work.If any of history's bachelors were alive today, they would all be judged Homosexual.Everybody is assummed horny unless otherwise proved (which of course is very difficult ) allowing them to rule like shamans of yore.
On the other side of the divide, if we can only lift the Victorians’ blinders for a moment we see a very different world: a world where friendship is considered the occasion for deep emotions and exaggerated behavior. This other view is much older than the one the "Ancestors" bequeathed upon us . It is a world where friendship is not a footnote in a book about romance, rather it is a living force of its own, considered one of the highest forms of human emotion and behavior, and worthy of profound sentiments. There we can all read the description of Socrates and Diotima and say, "Oh, what a beautiful portrait of friendship" (/"Machchaa ,high funda friendship da" if u r from my college).
The purported attempts to keep sexuality from becoming a big deal have backfired. On the contrary, sexuality has become a very big deal. It creates a self feeding cycle. Only people desperate for a romantic partner get to have any acquaintance in the opposite gender giving more ammo to the paranoid to say “See, I told you so.” Personally, I believe that if someone can’t have a working relationship, with those of the other gender, without the idea of sleeping together coming to picture ,if that person can work only with members of same gender as self, there is something biologically wrong with that person. Dude/(feminine of dude), are you really human ?
Comments
I detest those with a closed mind.But you love the Russians.. Is that not a contradiction?
I hate paranoiaThat means you hate Americans.... I think that is true!
He had to bow down to the Institute diktat of a blanket ban on young females from entering the rooms.Come on, man! Be chivalrous and call them GIRLS! Do you consider them subhuman? You know, it actually sounds kinda derogatory to refer to girls as females....
We are the great species of animal because....(Blah Blah Blah) they could build relationships and create the huge communities which make what we call Civilization.
Note that almost all civilzations were built exclusively by a single sex....Usually male, with one singular exception (The Boobless Amazons), and never has any civilization been built by a collaboration of both sexes!
(Ex When Harry met sally: A horrible boring movie remembered by that one pathetic line alone.)I guess you must have LOVED Lost In Translation, one of the worst movies I have ever seen (Alongside David Lynch movies)... In romantic movies, you get enough material to make a movie by potraying the development of the relationship between the protagonists. Note that Friendship, on the other hand, does not undergo much development. Friendship never "blooms" like love does! You never have enough material to make a 100 minute English movie on friendship, let alone a 200 minute Hindi Musical! The end result is a drab movie at the end of which you would gladly spend money to become a hitman and eliminate anybody even remotely connected to it!
We have been indoctrinated on appropriate behaviour so much that even males who touch each other , who express strong feelings for each other, and who demonstrate that through dramatic behavior are assumed to be sexually attracted to each other.Better safe than sorry, I guess! Society is based on the bedrock of appropriate behaviour. The fact that you do not agree with the set parameters does not imply that the parameters are inherently flawed. Any guy would rather a girl grope him with sexual intentions than a guy with asexual intentions!
They are the people who are snobs ,who look down upon you when u r hugging/ playing /squabbling with ur cousin who is of the opposite gender .
Tell me something. Do you really NEED to hug somebody to show your affection to the person??? Man can speak too, remember! Speech is what distinguishes mankind from the brutes you so happen to love!
PS: Just so you know, Diotima is a fictional character. Check this link out.