The outsider

From time Immemorial I have been gregarious but, without a sense of belonging.Many know who I am . Very few have any idea about me. My acquaintance to friend conversion has been almost nil.

In school, seniors [the one batch that existed] and juniors have known me but very few in my year can be called as having been my friends. Certainly there was no dear close friend. I have no idea what they are doing except for one who found me in orkut.

In my pre university college .There were groups .I was ‘friendly’ with everyone .But I belonged to none of the groups. One guy actually remarked,” I have to be careful talking to you .We do not know what your friend circle is. You act same with everybody.”

Even in IITM, lots of them know me. Everyone in my certainly knows me .But I would not be in any one’s list when they make an off the cuff list of friends. I am in no one’s ‘Gumbal’.

One reason I can think of is that I rarely express my true emotions. One batch mate has actually called me as a worthy double spy. Those who have seen me angry have seen a mock charge, a pretense I put up to hide the fact that I was pained, feeling insecure at five people mocking me, restless: that My rebuttals were actually back firing, that some thing I did in my past was recounted to their amusement, that I forgot such incidents when they happened with them.

So gods bless the Soul of Norman Vincent Peale.